Monday, 29 December 2014

Heaven will be boring if it ever exist

Three weeks ago i was on a journey from Warri going to Portharcourt for an interview(oh please i don't want to remember that sham interview). My session was schedule for monday 8a.m so i had to travel on sunday considering the distance and time factor.

By noon that faithful day i was already at the bus station. I bought my ticket like every responsible traveler. Apparently i was the last on the manifest and was directed by the bus conductor loader to a big coaster bus.
There were only two available seat left unoccupied by passengers(it was on the third and forth row to be precise). If i had to sit on the third row, its means i would be spending the next five to six hours journey sitting close to a pretty damsel.This was cool for me as i did the maths in my head(probably i might hit it off with her and my days of single-hood will be over i thought). I didn't even consider the forth row as i was set to mingle with my lady.

Bros abeg excuse me, the bus loader called out to me...abeg change this two hundred naira note for me with the change wai dey your hand. As i stop to help him with it; a middle aged man something in his late 40s briskly maneuver himself and quickly sat beside the lady.

Damn it! i screamed in my mind as i wonder why bad things always happen to good people. I was furious within but don't know who to vent the anger upon(should i be mad at myself for helping the loader? or the loader who interrupted my movement? or the man who briskly maneuver and sat in my intended spot?lol..please use the comment box because i need answers).

Sadly and sluggishly i strolled to the forth row but i actually felt like kicking the maneuver-er on the head then i remember in Africa, the elderly are always respected so kicking him on the head is ruled out. I thought of implementing plan B.

This was actually my plan B.
But i don't have a gun and am neither qualify permitted to be in possession of one. So i sat down helplessly and ordered for two chilled lacassera to cool off my temper.

Praise thy lord..hallelujah...brethren praise thy lord...hallelujah..  a man from the rare shouted on the bus barely 20 minutes on our journey. He prayed for safe trip. what followed was aggressive exaltation; give your life to Christ for the end is near,don't be caught unaware, suffer here on earth for salvation and enjoy your blessings in heaven and many other intimidating fearful sermons that would make you want to reborn again because judging from all what he has preached so far, none of us in the bus is qualify to walk pass heavenly gate talk-more of entering it.

If na lyk so heaven hard to enter me nor wan kukuma enter; infact the place go boring diee...imagine people lyk micheal jackson, 2pac, fela, etc wai dey make things dey happen no go dey dere ehhh..i go gladly go hell fire if na the way you talk am nie E be ehhh...exclaim in pigeon English with mixute of bayelsa accent by a dark, not too tall dude sitting adjacent to me. It was as if our bus wanted to samasult due to the outburst of laughter.

The personal opinion of Timi(the bayelsa dude) led to serious debate on the bus which left many questions begging for answers. That was my most interesting journey so far in 2014. A journey of five hours was like a 60minutes drive.  

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5 comments:

  1. Lols. Some bus rides can be extremely cool. Nice writing. Please mind your spellings though. Thumbs up.

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    1. You are welcome Anonymous. Am happy my story interest you. Not to forget,your observation is well noted.

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